Living Life: Do You Want To Die Happy Or Sad?

“On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.” - Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club.

True, isn't it? If that is the case then why live that uninteresting half-dead pseudo monk-ish life? What's the use?

Why inhale just oxygen (which is polluted anyways)?

Why follow the vegetarian lifestyle?

For a healthier life?

For a longer life??

Now think about it this way - It isn't going to make you immortal. Instead, its going to make your stale pale life even longer. The older you grow the more morbid it becomes. And finally when you reach your death-bed you realize that you have not done anything at all in your entire life other than earning money and spending it on "buying things you don't need to impress people you don't like."

Right now is the time you need to wake up from your coma. Start tearing out grass from that dew covered field in the morning. Smoke some (other kind of) grass in the nights. Get stoned. Get drunk. Enjoy the different kinds of meat available to man, taste the different kinds of wine. Stop being angry all the time. Shed that attitude. Forget about the conference room. Start thinking about the smoke filled music room instead. The intoxication, the trance will make you realize that you are alive. In short, live life to the fullest.

Sounds hedonistic? Not quite. Read on...

'Practical' is the right expression here. I am just being practical here and showing you the reason why you should come out of that puny self-protective shell of yours which will break anyways, eventually. Start doing it now and embrace death as a happy old man OR -- just die as a sad, self-withered 'very' old man. The choice is yours...

Bipolar Disorder - The Devil Within

I could never have mastered the courage to write this post but for a fellow sufferer Summer Moon. An extremely courageous person who have been fighting with bipolar disorder for a long time. This post of mine is actually inspired by this post of Summer. Summer's words there have given life to my feelings.

It’s quite some time now that I have been suffering from Bipolar disorder. The first time it occurred, I was in college, second year. The year was 2004. I started going into intense depressions but didn't know the real reason behind it then. I simply thought it has something to do with my doping or a tumultuous love affair. But the night I somehow stopped myself from slashing my wrist I made up my mind that I need to go see a doctor. I kept the whole thing a secret from my parents since in India most parents don't approve of the fact that their children are visiting a psychiatrist. The doctor spoke to me for like two hours, prescribed me Lithium Carbonate and said its most likely monopolar or bipolar disorder. Over the next 1 year, I visited him three more times to finally find out that it’s a Type - II bipolar disorder.

This thing has been with me since then. I am either working 30 hours at a stretch, eating more than the double of my normal appetite, having 10 hour long video game sessions or sitting morosely in the darkness of my room, despising everything and everyone in the world, contemplating suicide.

Many a times I thought, what if I didn't have this. How my life could have been different if I was not attacked by this disorder. How my image could have been different. In what other ways (some of) my friends would have criticized me instead of just calling me a 'nutcase' behind my back. What would have my teacher said if he knew that it’s not an excuse for bad grades. In a situation where even the closest of your friends and family (including your dad) start stereotyping at the mention of the word 'bipolar', I found a turnaround for myself. I remembered how this disorder has accompanied me through every thick and thin. How it has helped me with extra-energy when I had to complete an urgent pitch presentation in 24 hours’ time. The problem itself has sort of become a close friend of mine when others abandoned me.

Based on this, I created different metaphors to live with. Whenever I go into a depression I would tell myself that my friend is angry with me and that's why I am sad too. Just give him some time, coax him a bit and everything will be fine. To certain extent this helped. But at the end of the day, it’s actually a devil you are fighting and not some offended friend. In order to do this successfully, what you really need is a bit of love and care.

In my worst days, I have seen an angel come into my dark room, light it up with her radiance and provide me with the much needed medicine of love along with the capsules of Lithium carbonate. She is the love of my life. She is my only hope. She hides away the blades and knives along with the whiskey/vodka bottles whenever I go into severe depressions. She takes unconditional (and unpaid) leaves from her otherwise hectic job to be with me, whenever she realizes things are not going fine. She knows how to cope with me when I am at my worst. I wish every sufferer like me had an angel like her in their lives to make things easier.

On that note, one small request to every reader here: Support the bipolar sufferers. Don't push them away. Love can be the best medicine. I guess, that's not asking for much...

Politics

Right is drawing our attention to the pressing need,
Every modern state seeks to achieve certain purpose.
It is freedom and positive hindrance taking heed,
But at least equally in various ways doing trespass.
People's effective control over those who yield power,
Are the one whose supreme sovereignty cannot arise.
Concentration of power in a single center shall shower,
The order implies a right to obedience in disguise.

Enlightened self-interest however told men,
The generation of such a deadly great Leviathan.
Force and fraud were its cardinal virtues then,
Authorized all that the ruler does and run.
Competition and war in which everyone would be,
Virtues and vices, only rule, always should be.

Metamorphosis

The end of fantasies,
The shattering of dreams.
Nothingness and darkness,
Engulf my senses.

The end of the world,
The beginning of another.
The dark era has begun,
The devil has shown himself.

The beast inside has come alive,
To prey on unsuspecting souls.
The furnace is boiling,
The agony inside is searing.

Pain stings like icicles on a winter night,
Blood flows like hot magma.
I am numbed and cold to feelings,
And I watch as all bonds are ripped apart.

Adrenalin surges through my veins,
As my animal instincts take over.
I feel the need for blood and gore,
And goodliness seems a distant cliche.

I loathe what I am turning into,
But betrayed I find only one way.
The darker path to salvation,
The way to peace with myself.

My Internship at 20:20 Media, Chennai

Off late, I had been staying in Chennai for my internship at 20:20 Media, Chennai office. This is one of the top PR agencies of India and I must say I was really lucky to have got a chance of doing my internship at such a place. No doubt, when I am saying this, it means that I must have seen something unique in this agency which makes it different from other agencies. Of course, I have; the work culture and the approach towards life.

When I was in the first year of my MBA, I used to hear from my seniors and my faculties that the corporate world is a very tough place and one has to be “at his toes” all the time to meet the deadlines. Of course, that’s a big truth. But what makes all the difference is the approach towards your work – the way you look at it and the way you want to perform it.

The moment you enter the office of 20:20 Media, Chennai, you will feel that you have entered a club with all your friends around. The work load will of course be there, but the stress will go off at once. Gradually you will realize that this office is more like home. People helping each other, elders guiding the youngers, making fun, having lunch together, sharing the dishes and of course, offering true and sincere love for each other. Man, I miss that place…

I think I should sincerely compel myself to dedicate a full paragraph here, towards the work culture and working conditions of the office; otherwise, I will keep on writing about my pleasant memories and will jumble things up. Here it goes… -

To be short – the working condition is state-of-the-art. Digitally locked front door, executive standard furniture, split air-conditioners, computers with latest configurations, video conferencing facility, mini library – all add up to the comfort of working. The environment of the office itself gives you the confidence that you can finish off anything and everything which is assigned to you. The guidance of the seniors is such that it will drive you automatically to perform better. What I mean to say is that, in this office, the work load no more remains a load – it becomes enjoyment. More so, because you will learn here, how to love your clients as your own company. Rejoice at your clients successes, weep at their failures. I guess this is what makes 20:20 Media the top PR agency of India.

The practice of having training sessions on Friday mornings provide the employees with new insights and latest information on the industry. These sessions may take place within a branch or across all branches through video conferencing and webinars. The first day I witnessed this, I remembered a famous saying of the great dramatist, George Bernard Shaw – “You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, "Why not?" In that context, 20:20 Media has, no doubt, brought a silent revolution in the corporate working culture.

Apart from these, what I remember the most is the daily lunch together. Everybody would sit in the conference room with the director Mr. R. Narayanan (respected Naru Sir) at the head of the table – much like the way my father, as the head of the family, sits at the head of the table, when we have lunch at home. Then they will start sharing their dishes with one another. I must admit here that I rarely took part in this dish sharing since I was not very fond of South Indian dishes, apart from masala dosa. This was a big subject of humour in the office that how can a guy go on having masala dosa each and every day!!? He must be crazy (that’s me, of course…). Jokes apart, these lunch sessions together indeed imbibed extra warmth for one another.

All the people whom I met in this office; I hate to call them my colleagues. No – all of them are my real good friends. As such, I will try to describe them in my own way, with one liners (which Nikhila may judge as my “Last Impression” as well) –

Shankar – The Versatile Genius

Twinkle – The Magic Smile

Nikhila – The Erudite

Jaani – A real friend indeed

Nachu – A true gentleman

Vinita – Very very cute

Ambika – The symbol of Ceasefire

Shraddha – The real hard worker

Bala – The Zoozoo (as Naru sir aptly calls her)

Nishant – The KoooooooL guy

Balaji – Call him in the middle of the night and he is ready to help you

Ramya – Peace

Hema – Dainty

Naru sir – I am dazzled with his knowledge.

One last note – I really wish that someday I will be working in an office, where, after half a day of hard work, I will suddenly feel relieved hearing a voice calling out to everyone, “Guys, lunch…?”